WHY ARE WE YOUNG, BUT LONELY? (part 1)

PARTIES, FRIENDS, LAUGHTER, AND WE still FEEL LONELY. WHY?

In the spirit of being human, we often think that life is a game and happiness is the prize.  Any threat to our pleasure quest (vulnerability, depression, anxiety) is deemed “negative” and needs to be squashed as of immediate effect.   We are children in the game arcade, smashing crocodiles on the head, waiting for the machine to give us golden tickets.  

Rather, we are 20 somethings grinding our jaws, doing shots shots shots, trying to find love in a hole.   

Admitting loneliness means connecting with a feeling that goes against what we think we are looking for in life.  It’s much easier to convince ourselves that our choices of “no driving, no sleeping, live it up like it’s the weekend, when the DJ play the right song, gonna drink, gonna party all night long” are Wiz Khalifa ambitions, rather than merely trying to escape pain and confusion over who and why, we really are.

There is a nagging, an emptiness, that isn’t being satisfied by ‘now’ & ‘busy’.

We like to think that there is a time and place for loneliness, that it should save itself for old age, widows, break ups, and Sunday nights.  But loneliness doesn’t discriminate.  It creeps up on us as children and it visits us through our 20s, into our marriages, until death do us part.  Maybe it is here for a reason, one that we are ignoring at our own peril.

We are so busy trying to fight the discomfort,
that we ignore the wisdom loneliness offers.

Sitting alone with loneliness sucks.  It is uncomfortable.  It connects us with past hurts, disconnect from friends, being misunderstood, different and unaccepted.  In trying to escape all of the above, we lose out on what the crocodiles we’re smashing, are trying to tell us.  We run from loneliness, disillusioned into thinking that it’s sole aim is to show us how dysfunctional we really are: undeserving of the love, forgiveness and validation we crave.

What if loneliness has been shunned for all the wrong reasons? 

What if we are Chicken Little, walking ourselves into a fox's lair to avoid the falling sky, only to be eaten by our own fear?   Loneliness isn’t there to make you feel worthless and unloved.  It doesn’t want to be banged into a hole and forgotten.  Loneliness leads you to the heart of your core desires, because it wants you to see your inherent beauty, beauty that is being denied. 

The ugliness you're feeling, 
is showing you your beauty.
embrace it.

Loneliness enlightens us about our need for intimacy, friendship, connection and love.  It isn’t showing us what’s wrong with us, it is showing us what is right with us.  If we continue to ignore it, we will ignore our true wants in life and never actively seek the things that will bring us true joy.

We need to make friends with our loneliness, or we will feel lost

The fear of being disconnected from those around us, means that we chameleon ourselves into situations, conversations and behaviours, that aren’t in alignment with who we really are.  When we don’t listen to loneliness, we feel alone when we're alone, we feel alone in a crowded room. 

As 'Frightened Rabbit' so eloquently put it:
“No you won't find love in a,
won't find love in a hole
it takes more than fucking someone,
to keep yourself warm”.

Accepting loneliness, instead of fighting it, will eventually bring you fulfilment. 

Only when we start to listen to what feeling alone is telling us, will we organically equip ourselves with the courage to make choices that we ordinarily don’t have the strength to make.  Choices that acknowledge and celebrate our core needs, leading us back to who we really are, and what we really want in life.

CLICK TO WATCH the video below:

 

*References:
Wiz Khalifa - No Sleep
Alligator Hammer Game
Chicken Little
Frightened Rabbit - Keep Yourself Warm

Inspired by:
My own feelings of extreme loneliness, and the peace that came with finally accepting them.
Conversations with my friend Jess
A lot of self-work with my incredible psychologist, Angeline